Why Good People Make Bad Choices...
How it all started -
This work began many years ago with my own quest to become an effective psychotherapist. I have a formal graduate
school education where I studied the usual fanfare of theories and approaches to psychopathology, neuroses, and the treatment
of mental health conditions.
While I was content in the early years of my career to provide this standardized
style of psychotherapy it became increasingly clear to me that there was something lacking; it was possible for me to regurgitate
that knowledge base, yet produce marginal results. Marginal was not good enough for me, or the clients who would count on
me to bring them out of a quagmire of distress.
I came to believe that there must be a missing piece that would explain basic human suffering, and that through
a determined effort I could find this missing piece. A search ensued and I looked toward eastern philosophy, western religion,
mysticism, and a study of basic physics. Having spent several years in search of the holy grail of treatment approaches, I
decided in frustration that I had had enough.
In 2000 I stopped reading other texts of any kind, and began a formal writing process in January 2003. Instead
of looking to outside authorities for answers, I wrote down my questions about basic human suffering in journal form, and
then I answered them. In the following two years, the theory and content for Why Good People Make Bad Choices was
born.
What it says
-
Why
Good People Make Bad Choices takes you on a journey of self-discovery by way of insights about the human condition. It
describes the dynamic interplay between the instinctualized ego and a consciously developed belief system. It uniquely defines
an ego-dynamic problem yet provides a cognitive-behavioral and existential solution.
The ego is “following an instinctual set of instructions
for survival.” Clearly and specifically delineated, these instructions are called, the ego’s agenda.
The agenda is this:
· Minimize physical and emotional
pain.
· Maximize physical and emotional gratification.
· Establish and maintain external power and
control.
· Establish and maintain idealization - internal/external.
Due to the ego’s agenda, we experience problematic feelings, maintain maladaptive thoughts, and engage in behaviors
that we know are not in our best interest. As a solution to the problem of the ego’s agenda, this book describes the
components of, “a consciously developed belief system.” As we consciously establish a belief system, which includes
a sense of prioritized values and a moral code, we are compelled to think and behave in a manner that is reflective of our
own best interest.
This book explains
how inner turmoil is inevitable as instinctual ego desires and conscious belief system values become conflicted. A simple
yet effective method of understanding and reducing this inner conflict is described. It also specifically shows how to understand
and manage feelings and moods, develop new and valued behaviors, and develop a belief system that will create personal integrity.
What it does -
This book can help you:
- Create integrity, and recognize it in others.
- Create peace of mind.
- Resolve problematic feelings that may interfere with sustaining integrity.
- Create a self-image you can be proud of.
- Transform any unwanted behavior or thoughts into new valued behavior.
- Understand and manage anger, worry,
guilt, bad habits, anxiety, and depression.
What people
are saying...
Reviews for Why Good People
Make Bad Choices -
"Why
Good People Make Bad Choices: How You Can Develop Peace of Mind Through Integrity--the title says it all. This book is absolutely
right on for those of us who struggle to find inner peace. Allen is appropriately confrontational throughout and poses questions
and scenarios that help to illustrate how our personal motivations impact the level of comfort we may have with the decisions
we make in life. The book was very helpful in guiding the reader through the different thought processes that can lead to
feelings of guilt and despair and for coaching you to emerge from your experiences with your integrity intact. One example
that was particularly compelling was of a woman who is considering cheating on her husband. Although she has no intention
of doing anything wrong, she fulfills an unmet psychological need by engaging in a flirtatious relationship with a co-worker.
Through outlining the "Ego's Agenda," Allen breaks each action down and explains how the subconscious manifests
itself throughout the scenario.
After
discussing how we tend to hold onto unhealthy patterns of behavior, Allen walks the reader through how to change our responses
through establishing a strong personal belief system. This book is a must-read for anyone who is striving for personal growth
and a sense of inner peace."
Reviewed by Rebecca Benston at Simegen.com
"Charles Lawrence Allen, MSW presents Why Good People Make Bad Choices: How You Can Develop
Peace of Mind Through Integrity, a self-help guide to overcoming maladaptive behaviors that erode one's personal integrity
and therefore one's well-being, as well as how to recognize integrity in others. Chapters discuss how human beings are
susceptible to near-automatic "instinctual management" behaviors, and teach methods for managing anger, sadness,
fear, and other emotions that threaten to overwhelm one's judgment, actions and integrity, thereby transforming unwanted
behavior. An uplifting self-help book for improving one's character and regaining control over one's life, one choice
at a time."
- Midwest Book Rreview
"Within the framework of this 19 Chapter book, the author, Charles Lawrence Allen puts
into perspective for the reader, the ego, it’s agenda within our lives and how we, the reader, can find peace of mind
and happiness through integrity. We learn from the beginning how good choices and bad choices can affect our lives to
the point of destroying integrity. We learn how to recognize, foster and finally keep integrity foremost within our
lives. And we learn that when integrity is foremost, our lives are happier and calmer, as well." Read
the rest of this review and the interview with Charles at Reader Views.
- Susan Pettrone, for Reader Views
"We all
make bad choices sometimes. We decide that chocolate bars are suddenly part of our healthy nutritional plan. We convince ourselves
that since no one will notice, it’s okay to leave early from work on Friday afternoons. We watch television instead
of spending quality time with our family.
Why
Good People Make Bad Choices states that our ego is at fault in all of our bad decisions. The ego is that instinctual part
of us all that attempts to protect us from pain while directing us towards pleasure. Unfortunately, the ego does not differentiate
between painful experiences that will create growth opportunities and situations that are dangerous. Likewise, there is no
distinction between experiences that will create pleasure in the short term but may not necessarily be beneficial to our physical
or mental health. In short, our ego isn’t always looking out for our best interests. Thus, the key to making good choices
is becoming aware of our instinctual behaviours and replacing them with conscious behaviours that reflect personal integrity
and how we really want to live our lives.
This
book teaches the reader to change through awareness one choice at a time. The end goal is simply peace of mind based upon
your best interests instead of just seeking experiences that will provide short term pleasure. It also teaches the reader
the real meaning of various emotions and how to transform these feelings into more healthy reactions."
-Tami Brady, TCM Reviews
"I find this to be a very valuable framework for therapy, and for living a good life generally.
It is a challenging book that can lead one to a new, more satisfying life. It does not minimize the difficulties encountered
in growth toward maturity, but rather provides useful signposts for the journey."
-Robert Rich, PhD, author of Cancer: A Personal Challenge
"Why
Good People Make Bad Choices is an incredible tool to aid in the transcendence of the ego and to initiate the establishment
of a personal belief system in order to live life with integrity. Strongly recommended for anyone interested in improving
their life."
-Richard
A. Singer Jr., psychotherapist, author of Your Daily Walk with the Great Minds
"Why
Good People Make Bad Choices answers the question in its title by borrowing ideas from an impressive range of psychological
theories, expanding or re-defining them, and integrating them into a cogent and useful whole. Thought-provoking and
well worth the time, this book should be read once throughout and then repeatedly and in small doses. It is bound to
trigger a lot of introspection, something we sorely lack in modern life."
-Sam Vaknin, author of Malignant Self Love: Narcissism Revisited
Media History -
05/11/07 Appearance
on Daytime, seen on NBC in the Tampa Bay
area and these other stations.
05/05/07 Book Signing at Barnes and Noble Bookstore, Tampa,
Florida.
04/19/07 Radio
interview on 99.7 The Lake from Ogallala, Nebraska.
03/30/07 Appearance on Tampa
Bay's Fox 13 NewsEdge at 11 o'clock for the Lightning Round, with news
anchor Mark Wilson.
03/25/07 Radio
interview - the Suzi Marsh radio show,"Change your Mind, Change your Life!"
Heard on B98.5 FM Atlanta.
02/12/07 Press Release.
02/12/07 Interview with Juanita Watson of Reader Views.
12/16/07 Book published,
"Why Good People Make Bad Choice: How You Can Develop Peace of Mind Through Integrity." Loving
Healing Press, Ann Arbor, Michigan.
